Boys to Men and Captivating Women

What makes a man?

This has been a subject that keeps coming up in our
conversations. In Mexico it was talked about often both by our leaders and
amongst ourselves. In almost every ancient culture there was something that boys
did to become men, but as modern society has progressed, these traditions have
become out dated or old fashioned. As America has become a melting pot of
cultures it seems that there is no right of passage for boys in our society.
Why is this relevant to what is happening here? Both in American and Swazi
culture boys long to be considered men. Often this leads to actions, and
consequences of those actions that a boy isn’t ready to deal with; sex, girlfriends
being mistreated, drinking, smoking, etc. Boys trying to prove they are men,
while really all these actions prove is that they are still boys. When we asked
one of our Swazi friends this question, he said that a boy is a boy until he is
18, then he is a guy, and once he is married he becomes a man. This answer
isn’t without thought or value. There are many things that both men and women
must go through to be married in Swazi culture. Among other things, the guy
must pay the girl’s family 17 cows (at about $2,000 US dollars a cow – so about
$34K USD).  

The best answer that we have come up with to this question
is that man is deemed a man by his character. If he is sacrificially loving,
giving, caring, if his actions put others above himself, if his anger comes
solely from righteous anger, if he does the right thing even if it’s the most
difficult, he is a man.

What makes a woman?

This subject hasn’t come up nearly as much as the previous,
but I believe it bears the same weight and importance. Why is there such an
emphasis placed on boys becoming men but not on girls becoming women? And what does
becoming a woman mean? In one of my favorite books, Captivating, the author, Stasi Eldredge, recounts the same dilemma.
“I’m trying to remember when I first knew in my heart that I was no longer a
girl, but had become a woman. Was it when I graduated from high school, or
college? Did I know it when I married? When I became a mother? I am forty-five
years old as I write this, but there remain places in my heart that still feel
so very young.”

Obviously you can’t address this question without addressing
the culture behind it. But there are some things that appear to be universal;
little girls long to be called beautiful, for adventure, and for intimacy with
both men and our creator. (Through out this blog I speak of the beauty found
within, not the beauty of a supermodel’s face.) Much like boys trying to prove
that they are men by their actions we look for intimacy and beauty in the wrong
places and later wonder why we get hurt. We find fulfillment in being wanted and
needed. Again from Captivating, “I
wanted to be the heroine and have my hero come for me. [Think of Cinderella,
Maid Marian, Ariel the little mermaid, Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, Murron in Braveheart etc.] Why am I embarrassed to
tell you this? I simply loved feeling wanted and fought for. This desire is set
deep in the heart of every little girl – and every woman. Yet most of us are
ashamed of it. We downplay it. We pretend that it is less than it is. We are
women of the twenty-first century after all – strong, independent, and capable,
thank you very much. Uh-huh…and who is buying all those romance novels?”

So what makes a woman a woman? We can look at Proverbs 31
but this speaks of a wife, not a woman. What about the women that aren’t
married, are they considered less because they are not a wife? No! The Lord
calls us each to the path he has set before us. Some of the most beautiful
women I know aren’t married and have no children of their own, but have
followed the path the Lord has laid out before them. Beauty comes from within
as do the longings of our hearts as women. Good character, strength and dignity
are some of the things that make a woman a woman. Those traits aren’t all
though; I want to know what all of you think.

Please add your thoughts by commenting on this blog.