Don’t anticipate, participate!

The long story
(training camp part 2)

At some point on one of these
days we had a time to talk about our Identity in Christ. Thanks to Rusty (my
campus ministry pastor) I had heard a lot of what was said before but I don’t
think it had every really sunk in. We talked about the imperfections of looking
to people to fill the roles in our lives that only God can fill. An awkward
moment came when we were sent out of the room and came back to find a full
length mirror with our name of it — one for each of us. We were instructed to
look into the mirror with complete silence — this lasted for about five
minutes. Then a recording of a pastor was put onto speakers saying that God
loves us because he loves us, because he loves. There is nothing we can do to
make the Lord love us more and nothing we can do to make Him love us less. I’ve heard that many times but don’t think
I’ve ever let it set in like it did that day. We were then told to rip off our
name (they were written on construction paper) as a symbol that our identity is
in Christ alone. Underneath our names had been written a bible verse, a
different one for each of us. Mine said “come to ME and you will find rest� —
Matthew 11:28. We were then told to write on our mirrors truth that God had
been speaking to us or was at that moment declaring to us. For many of us this
was turning point in the week, while it was step for me, it wasn’t everything
yet.

On Saturday morning we got up
and reported to the main building by 7 AM. Tag met us there to do some stretches,
lunges and then an obstacle course in which we ran over low beam, climbed up a
rope ladder, climbed up and went through a suspended tire, ran through some
more tires (where you have two tires next to one another, like football players
do) and then had to get over a telephone pole cut up to resemble half of the
uneven bars female gymnasts use. Later in the morning after breakfast talked
about our Identity in Christ (at least I think this was the day) and also about
conflict. I really, really don’t confrontation. Honestly I hate it, I’m much
better at taking it, holding onto it, until I’m so hurt I have to complain/tell
someone about it but its never the person that I’m having the problem with.
Well this form of ‘dealing’ with stuff isn’t exactly Godly. Now I’ve known that
for some time but never really changed how I operate. I guess its time to
start…AIM doesn’t allow us to have third party conversations and will send us
home if they know about it, good plan but how does that work you ask? Well we
are going to have debriefs each night where this stuff is supposed to come up.
Now here is where I need all of y’alls help and prayer. I am quite sure at some point there will be
conflict to which I am a part of during these 8 months. I don’t want to handle
it in the same way that I used to. I want to share the person individually
first if I have conflict with him or her because I love them not because I’m
having a bad day, and to only share what God would have me share. If it’s
something I really shouldn’t be upset about I need Him to tell me that and for
me to get my priorities straight. The other thing, if someone has conflict with
me I need to just say thank you, alter my actions in ways that I can and should
and LET IT GO, not taking it personally. I know this is a huge struggle for me
so please be praying for me about this area.

                                

That night we had what AIM calls
its prophecy night. We learned that prophecy is a term the means to speak life
and truth into others whatever that may look like. Over the years I learned
that one of the ways that God speaks to me is by placing visions in my head,
now I know to some that might sound crazy but it is true and has been happening
to me for quite some time. This night I
saw two different visions, both quite disturbing and I honestly didn’t know
what to make of it until the next morning. One happened as I was praying over a
team mate that is going to Uganda, and the other happened when we were praying
over Swaziland outside and literally SHOUTING God’s truth and love to them.
That night I called a friend that was back in Austin to have her pray over me,
which she did readily and also suggested I have someone there pray over me as
well. I said I would find someone in the morning and went back to our tents
that had been sprayed for the ants to go to sleep.

We woke up the next morning and
again went to main office building to find out what our exercise task was. We
were to link arms with everyone in the Novas project (~30 people) and while
still connected get to the nearest stop sign not on AIM property. Thankfully
one of our teammates is from Gainesville and knew where the closest one is —
about I’m guessing it was a ¼ mile away. So we took off needing to make it back
within 30 minutes. We again learned how to operate as a team and learned who
were leaders and who were encouragers. So after making it back in 17 minutes we
had some God time and breakfast. Missing from our group was my teammate Molly
who the night before had had an allergic reaction to the insecticide that they
were using to kill the ants. She is fine now but had be taken to the hospital
and slept most of the morning because of how many drugs she was given and that
she had been up all night. Molly is naturally incredibly funny so there some
great stories that came from the leaders trying to question her about the last
thing that she ate. Ask me to explain them in person sometime. =)

 After breakfast we went to worship and when we
got to there I couldn’t worship, the visions from the night before were still
in my mind and I was frightened by them. So I got one of the leaders, she
calmed me down and prayed over me. I was about to sit in the hall for a little
bit longer when she told me she thought I should go back into the room even if
I couldn’t worship right then I should be surrounded by my team. I agreed and
sat down in the room. As I began to pray again God broke through both of those
visions with brilliant bright white light and I realized that God’s enemy comes
to steal, kill, and destroy. But the Lord comes to give us freedom and life and
that’s what He is sending us to do in his name!