Mixed Emotions

As we near the
end of our trip I keep having so many conflicting emotions. At our last debrief
in South Africa I remember one of our leaders, Jimmy, saying that this would
happen.

This past week as
been somewhat difficult, the firsts of many “lasts” in Swaziland. A banquet for
the end of the soccer season. What I’m hoping was the last time that I will get
sick. (Yes mom I’m fine now.) The last church service that none of us were able
to attend, due to sickness and the last soccer game. In addition to seeing
close friends affected by the death of a loved one.

I’m so ready to see
first my teammates (from Uganda, Mozambique, and Nicaragua) and leaders from
AIM then a few days later, my family and boyfriend. But another part of me is
sad to leave here, and then have to leave the people I’ve spent the last 8
months with. We’ve literally spent almost every waking hour together and I feel
as if I’m leaving a part of me behind thinking about having to say goodbye to
them. It’s getting more and more difficult to be present here as our departure looms
ever closer.

As I think about
what my life has been like it’s difficult to put it into words. I know I’ll get
the question, “How was your trip?” when I get home. I have no idea how to
answer that. At times, it was easy, hard, sad, happy, beautiful, ugly,
depressing, joyful, full of anguish, peaceful, irritating, refreshing….you get
the idea. At this point I have no idea how much this trip has or hasn’t changed
me and how I look at the world. Part of me hopes that I’ll never look at the
world the same way and another selfish part hopes that it isn’t that drastic so
that I can once again feel at home in the US.

When I begin to think
of feeling at home though my thoughts to go these few verses in Hebrews:

¹³These all died in faith, not having
received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar,
and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. ¹⁴For
people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. ¹⁵If
they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would
have had opportunity to return. ¹⁶But as it is, they desire a better
country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called
their God, for he has prepared for them a city. 

– Hebrews 11:13-16

A few announcements:

The event, “Protect me from
HIV” has now moved to this Wednesday (May 5^th) and thanks to all of
you will be taking place. It has changed somewhat from its original intent to
more of a community wide event but there will still be plenty of games for the
kids, education on HIV/AIDS, and a cow will be butchered for the feast that
afternoon. Since we are leaving two days later, it will also serve as our
goodbye party of sorts. I will try to get back to the internet one last time to
post a blog (and maybe pictures) before we leave Swaziland.

For those of you in the
Austin area, Joe has planned a welcome back get-together for me on May 19^th
at Rudy’s (the 183 location). Right now I’m not sure of the time but 7 is always
a good guess. 🙂 If it’s supposed to be another time then hopefully he will
correct me on the comments part of this blog.